Dear Diary – 2020

I keep sitting down to write out posts, and I have, let’s see… at last count, 21 drafts. Other bloggers, do you also have a fuck-ton of unfinished drafts, or are you normal? I’m frustrated with myself because I really wanted to commit to this, and there are a million and one things I could write about right now. But the fact is, they’re all … Continue reading Dear Diary – 2020

Down, Down, Down The Rabbit Hole

Lewis Carroll brought us the phrase “down the rabbit hole,” introducing the term in 1865 in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. In the story, the phrase was literal – she actually, physically fell down a rabbit hole, landing in Wonderland. In this context, falling down the rabbit hole was about stumbling upon a surreal, strange and absurd place. Many believe that this was meant to be … Continue reading Down, Down, Down The Rabbit Hole

Functionality and Chronic Illness

This (thankfully, nearly ending) winter has been one of the hardest I’ve ever had. I talked about it some here, but, new developments. Aside from the actual pain, fatigue, foggy brain et. al. that comes with my particular brand of chronic illness (and exacerbating issues), the most difficult and frustrating thing for me has been a steadily decrease of my own functionality. Growing up in … Continue reading Functionality and Chronic Illness

Let’s Talk About Meds

I am fairly certain that every single person I know who has to take medication to live a halfway normal life has these complaints, and I feel that it’s worth drawing some attention to. There are a couple different angles I’m coming at this from, so bear with me. ONE: With the whole “I’m smarter than a doctor” internet community, comes things like this: So, … Continue reading Let’s Talk About Meds

Medical Gaslighting

For a lot of years I’ve been aggravated at the difference in health-care for men and women. The old sexism that lingers, the ways that women are downplayed, the dismissive attitudes and ultimately, lack of proper diagnostics and treatment we receive. No matter what, any time I bring this topic up with women, I hear the same stories over and over and over, varying degrees … Continue reading Medical Gaslighting

Dear Diary – New Year, Old Me

Really, really old me. My body feels twice my age right now, and it has for quite a while. Welcome to my laundry list of complaints. I’m tired, so tired. Exhausted, really. All day, every day. My head hurts, my neck hurts, my shoulder hurts, my stomach hurts. I have reflux, and my iron levels are low, and when I got increasingly cold and tired … Continue reading Dear Diary – New Year, Old Me

A Different Kind of Grief

Memories light the corners of my mindMisty water-colored memories of the way we were… Barbara Streisand – The Way We Were Funny story – the song I just quoted, I have never heard Barbara Streisand sing it. I heard it when I watched Big when I was a kid, and I watched that movie a lot because I loved it. Hell, I even linked it … Continue reading A Different Kind of Grief

Dear Diary – Just, Meh…

So, I’m diagnosed bipolar with generalized anxiety and PTSD. The psychologist I saw a couple times actually calls it “Complex Trauma” rather than PTSD, since apparently prolonged and multiple childhood traumas are different but same-ish but different. Being concise is not my strength, but I’ll try. I had a hellish childhood, full of divorce, abuse, poverty, extreme bullying, neglect. I grew up fast, really fast, … Continue reading Dear Diary – Just, Meh…

What -Insert Illness- Looks Like

I’ve got a number of thoughts here that I’ve talked about at various times, and they all sort of tie together so here it is. I came across this image a couple times today on Facebook, so I imagine it’s going a bit viral. “This is what depression looks like.” But, no. This is what depression CAN look like. To me, wording matters. Others will … Continue reading What -Insert Illness- Looks Like

Dear Diary – Chronic Pain/Fatigue

I’m really tired. There are a lot of reasons a person can be tired. Lack of sleep, overwork, stress. “Tired” is a word that people are very comfortable in their knowledge of its definition. We all know tired, right? When my oldest son was a baby, he had colic. At least, that’s what people assumed it was. He didn’t sleep, and so I didn’t sleep. … Continue reading Dear Diary – Chronic Pain/Fatigue